The Rebirth
by Syroc
Summary: While escaping the scene of the crime, Yuffie meets someone horribly familiar.
1. Kill one, get another free!

Ahh, I had the greatest idea, so I decided to try it out. I'll run with it for a while, so tell me what you think eh, and I might continue it if people like it!  
  
And I'll try and work a yuffentine into this one, too. Hooray for yuffentines!

* * *

**__**

**_Chapter I: Kill One, Get Another Free!_**

**__**  
  
Neo-Midgar, the gem of the freezing Northern continent, stood imperiously against the coast, with the immensely huge highway that connected the city to it predecessor, Midgar, the slightly less prestigious city to the south. It's sleek, pearly white buildings towered high in the air, reaching for the clouds, while the waves beat against the coastal walls that surrounded the city. Neo-Midgar was the great, new hope of the world, where the former AVALANCHE member, Reeve Orello currently had supremacy. The decadent, company/syndicate of Shinra had long since been disbanded, and all that remained of it were bad memories, the destroyed Shinra HQ, which teetered perilously in strong winds, and buckets of Gil that had mysteriously disappeared when the company/syndicate disbanded.  
  
It was also, on a darker note, the current hunting grounds for a certain Materia hunter. It could safely be said that the streets (And banks, shops, and purses as well) of Neo-Midgar were a great deal less safe because of it. Already news of the substantial amount of Materia burglaries occurring was beginning to spread, and shopkeepers fearfully locked up their wares at night. Of course, it didn't help much, but it made people feel better.  
  
"Mwuhahaha!" She laughed maniacally, tossing the bag filled to the brim with Materia into the air and catching it as it came back down as she made her stealthy escape. The moonlit streets of Neo-Midgar opened up to her, and she hastily looked to both sides, searching for someone who might identify her, before running down the street at a hasty run. Behind her, alarms were beginning to go off. Tying the loot-bag to her belt straps, she pulled out a long list of shops, and crossed off a name with a wicked grin. "Seventeen down, twenty-four to go!" She cried gleefully, tucking the list away.  
  
As she rounded a corner, she slammed into somebody. Both people landed on the ground bodily, and the Materia-filled bag spilt it's contents across the ground. The glowing orbs radiated multiple coloured lights, and the Materia thief was up on her feet in a heartbeat, trying to pluck them all up as fast as she could.  
  
"Oh, I'm sorry miss. Here, let me help you with that." Said the person on the ground, picking up some of the closer Materia orbs. Yuffie looked at the person suspiciously, and caught her breath suddenly. The person in front of her had iron grey hair, and terrifyingly familiar mako eyes. When he had a handful of Materia, he looked up, and saw Yuffie for the first time. He smiled widely, and proffered the Materia. "Here you go. I'm _soooo_ sorry for this, really. I really should look where I walk." He said, pushing the Materia into her hands.  
  
Yuffie looked at the Materia for a second, instinctively stuffing it into her bag, and looked back up at the person in front of her.  
  
"S, Sephiroth?!" She squawked, taking a step back and reaching for the Conformer at the same time.  
  
"That's m' name, miss." He said with a smile, bowing at the same time. The sound of the alarms seemed to reach him, "Oh my, did someone rob the Materia shop? Who would do such a thing? Oh, miss, you dropped this." Sephiroth said, bending over to pick up another Materia piece. When he stood back up, Yuffie was gone. "Miss?" He said slowly, somewhat confused. He looked down at the piece of Materia in his hand for moment, before looking around him. Upon seeing no one, he carefully tucked it into his jacket. "I'll just hold onto this until she comes to take it back. I'm _sure_ she'll miss it." He muttered, before walking off in the direction of the alarms. "Maybe they'll need some help."

* * *

"I swear to Leviathan, Cloud, I saw him! I said 'Sephiroth' and he said that was his name! It's either him or a flippin' carbon-copy of 'im!" The panicking Materia hunter gasped out, pausing to breathe. "Really! I'm not joshing you! I mean, sure, it was really weird to see him playing the Good Samaritan act, but he was there!"  
  
"Of course he was, Yuffie." Cloud said soothingly, brushing a stray strand of blond hair out of his vision. "Here, sit down-"  
  
"We don't have _time_!" Yuffie shouted. "He could have jumped town by now!"  
  
Cloud lived by himself in Kalm, as a next-door neighbour to Tifa Lockhart. Yuffie had dragged the fighter along with her to Cloud's house, just to tell them what she had discovered. Now they looked at her with polite smiles, and gave each other worried glances.  
  
"Yuffie, Sephiroth is dead. Nothing could have survived that blast!"  
  
The shinobi was silent, and then stood up.  
  
"You don't believe me." She said, silently, as if this was totally inconceivable and a huge surprise. She started for the door with a resolute face.  
  
"No, wait, Yuffie, come back-"Tifa began, but was greeted with the slamming of a door.  
  
It was raining outside, and Yuffie cursed silently as the droplets quickly soaked her hair. Running for cover, she made a silent oath.  
  
"I'll get _proof_, dammit, and _then_ they'll be sorry!" She promised, grabbing a newspaper to use as a shield against the rain. After a moment of thought, she added another thing. "But I need help. I mean, if Sephiroth kills me, there's gotta be someone to pledge vengeance. I mean, it'd suck if Sephiroth hacked me to pieces and nobody knew..."

* * *

As the days went on, and Yuffie met more and more of her old friends, Yuffie began to notice a shocking pattern when she asked them to join her little escapade. Namely, they all seemed to decline, for some odd, unexplainable reason.  
  
"Nope." Barret had said firmly, before changing the subject.  
  
"(&¤% No!" Cid had yelled, right before: "Now git!"  
  
"Sorry." Red XIII said while calmly explaining that he was _far_ too busy to help her chase down Sephiroth. He seemed to be the only person on her side. Well, somewhat, anyway. He had declined, after all.  
  
Yuffie couldn't even get close enough to Reeve to ask for his help, considering that she was somewhat 'wanted' in Neo-Midgar at the time. There was only one person left who might help her now, but _he_ was as good as gone, to everyone. He probably wouldn't even give her the time of the day, let alone any help. But he was the last person, and he had some pretty handy skills. Yuffie looked resolutely at the village before her, with the huge foot of Mt. Nibel spanning out behind it.  
  
Yes, Vincent would have to be here. He liked being melodramatic. I mean, who wears a cape, anyway?

* * *

"Oh, _c'mon_, Vinnie!" Yuffie pleaded on her knees in front of the tall gunslinger. "Nobody believes me! I went Barret, Red, Cid, even Reeve! Well, maybe not Reeve, but that doesn't count! He wouldn't help me anyway! No one believes me! You're my last hope."  
  
Vincent tried to take a step back, but the shinobi latched a hand on Vincent's ankle.  
  
"Why should _I_ believe you?" He demanded, trying to shake her loose. No such luck. He briefly considered kicking her fingers, but decided against it. The sound of her whining about her aching fingers would be too much for him to take without seriously getting angry.  
  
"C'mon, just come and see him at least! Maybe then you'll believe me!"  
  
"Sephiroth alive? How could he be? We all saw him die!" He managed to pry her fingers loose from his boots, and swiftly got out of grabbing range.  
  
The young woman 'humphed', and got back to her feet, dusting herself off.  
  
"We also saw a giant meteor that could have destroyed all life as we know it being stopped by a force almost forgotten a few years back. I don't think this would surprise you all that much." She said craftily, a sweet smile on her face.  
  
Vincent was quite, searching her face for any trace of lies. Yuffie felt those garnet stones of eyes pierce her, and she cringed slightly at his withering glare. After a moment, though, Vincent shrugged.  
  
"Why do you want me to go with you? Can't you spy on this person by yourself?"  
  
Silently glad to be free of his scrutiny, Yuffie put her hands on her hips, frowning slightly.  
  
"Well, yeah, I suppose, but I'd just like someone to, uh, back me up when we have proof. I don't think anybody would think _you're_ lying about it. I mean, why would you? And anyway, if Sephiroth kills me I need someone to avenge me, y'know?"  
  
The gunslinger stared at the shinobi coldly with those garnet eyes, and after a moment or two he spoke. The shinobi was surprised at the answer she got.  
  
"I don't suppose you'd leave me alone either way, would you?"

* * *

And that was the way it had happened. Yuffie had coercedannoyed Vincent into to following her to Neo-Midgar in the pursuit of Sephiroth, who was pulling off a shifty 'Good Samaritan' act, as Yuffie put it. They set off from Nibelheim (You'll notice that I was really sneaky there and didn't specify exactly where she found him. Let's say she caught him stalking around the rooftops, eh?) and coerced/annoyed/glared silently Cid into flying them back to Neo Midgar, which was still on the coast of the Northern continent. It's not exactly going to float away, now is it?  
  
The two snuck into the city (Well, _Yuffie_ snuck into the city. Vincent didn't have to hide from angry shopkeepers. Not at the moment, at least.) and thus did their little (mis)adventure.  
  
"I am so bored!" Yuffie yawned, peeking around a corner. Nope, no Sephiroth. Damn.  
  
Vincent didn't respond, but merely followed after her. It was her plan, after all. Why should he interfere?  
  
The shinobi pointedly yawned again, as if trying to get something across to the gunslinger.  
  
Vincent still didn't respond.  
  
Yawn.  
  
Ignore.  
  
_Yawn._  
  
Sigh.  
  
"Yes?" Ice was warmer than his tone as Vincent said this.  
  
"I'm bored." Yuffie reported with a grin. She turned around, and waited for his reaction.  
  
"So you said."  
  
"Can't we do something?"  
  
Vincent glared irately. "I thought we were doing something. We're looking for Sephiroth, if you don't remember?"  
  
"Well, of course!" Yuffie said innocently. "But there's no telling if he couldn't be in, say, a nightclub or maybe a Materia shop! We have to investigate them as well! Especially the Materia shops!" She added the last part with enthusiasm, even going as far as to punch the air pointedly.  
  
Vincent actually seemed to consider this for a moment. He concluded that, yes, Sephiroth could indeed be hiding out in a Materia shop, but how would he manage that without getting caught? So no, no Materia shops.  
  
"I doubt Sephiroth would 'hide out' in a Materia shop, Yuffie. If he's living here, then perhaps he's at home at the moment? We can't expect him to be out-"  
  
"Oh, there you are!" Somebody shouted helpfully. Shinobi and Gunslinger whirled around to look at the speaker, who had long silver had and hauntingly familiar green eyes. "You forgot this the last time we spoke!"  
  
Sephiroth held up a Materia to Yuffie, and when her hand reflexively yanked it out of his hand he smiled brightly. If he smiled any more the top of his would fall off.  
  
"I'm so sorry that I didn't give this before, but you ran off in such a rush! I assume that you had pressing matters to attend to, of course, but you really should be more careful!" He suddenly seemed to notice Vincent for the first time. "Oh, why good evening, sir! And how does the day greet you?"  
  
Vincent gaped. His mouth opened and closed as his head tried to work out what his eyes and ears reported, and tried to couple this together with the previous image of Sephiroth. It wasn't going too well.  
  
"Uhm, rather," He hesitated for a moment, still staring at Sephiroth. "Rather well, thank you."  
  
Sephiroth was radiating good will. There might as well have been a halo around his head.  
  
"Oh, have you heard?! There have been a series of Materia robberies! How _dreadful_! Who would so such a thing? Oh my!" Yuffie had inadvertently dropped the Materia as Sephiroth spoke. He bent down and picked it up again, handing it back to her. "Butterfingers!" He teased lightly.  
  
Vincent was feeling a bit bolder by now.  
  
"You're name, it wouldn't happen to be Sephiroth by any chance?" He asked carefully.  
  
Sephiroth gasped, his eyes going wide.  
  
"Oh my! I must be getting popular! Somebody earlier, oh, why that's right! It was you!" He looked pointedly at Yuffie, and again, if he smiled any more the top of his head would fall off. "Silly me, forgetting something like that. You must have told him about me! How nice! And whom do I have the pleasure of meeting?" He reached out a hand merrily.  
  
Out of reflex Vincent looked at the hand disdainfully, and kept his hands firmly at his sides. Sephiroth looked hurt, and withdrew his hand.  
  
"My name is Vincent." He stated simply, finally in control of himself once again.  
  
"How very nice to meet you, mister Vincent!" Sephiroth said brightly. "And I'd absolutely love to stay and chat with you both, but I really must be off!" And off he went. Vincent couldn't help but notice that he was walking with a hop in his step.  
  
Both Yuffie and Vincent were silent, disbelief in their eyes.  
  
"That couldn't have been Sephiroth." Vincent stated calmly, watching as the person in question disappeared down the street.  
  
"Did you hear what he was _saying_?!" Yuffie gasped, flabbergasted. "He was chipper enough to make even Aeris go insane!"  
  
Vincent found himself nodding, even if he knew that it was disrespectful to speak of the fallen woman so. I mean, it wasn't wrong to agree with what was already said, was it?  
  
"There is something very wrong going on around here." Vincent stated, and started down the street.  
  
"Huh?" Yuffie stared for a moment before chasing after Vincent. "Vinnie! Where're you goin'?!"  
  
The gunslinger didn't even look behind him as he answered.  
  
"I'm going to stalk Sephiroth."


	2. The Plan tm

Holy helvete! Other people out there actually thought this was funny too! Hoohah!

**_Chapter II: The Plan™_**

"I'm _siii------ngin' _in the rain, just _siii------ngin'_ in the rain! What a glorious _Fee------lin'_, I'm _haaa------py _again!"  
  
Sephiroth was singing.

This scared Vincent. It scared him because one of the things you _never_ want to hear is the voice of someone you once regarded as the enemy of all life singing a song normally reserved for people who thought they were alone and happy to be alive. Or doing something very sinister indeed. Or in the shower. Or something else along those lines.

Vincent was very scared.

Yuffie thought that Sephiroth had a nice singing voice, in an odd, disturbing kind of way.  
  
Sephiroth was putting tuna in a bowl.

For a cat.

Named Mr. Snuggles.

A fat, snowy white cat named Mr. Snuggles who purred contentedly in the arms of Sephiroth. The previous enemy-of-all-life coddled the cat lovingly.  
  
"Ah, mishter shnuggles, how've you been today? Look! I brought you shome nishe tuna! Eat up, now!" The cat leapt out of Sephiroth's arms and began eating the fish vigorously. Sephiroth laughed like child.  
  
"Hey, Vinny, pass the binoculars!" Yuffie whined. "I wanna see!"

The two were laying on a rooftop opposing Sephiroth's apartment, and were peeking through the windows via a pair of binoculars. They had thought of getting a camera, but they didn't have enough money to get one, and Yuffie nervously declined selling some of her Materia in any of the Materia shops. Vincent had raised an eyebrow at this, but kept his peace. It _was_ her Materia, after all. Well, mostly hers. There was at least a small percentage of that Materia which he knew was hers. That she had had in possession for a reasonable amount of time.

"No, Yuffie, you don't." Said Vincent, who by now was thoroughly horrified. "You do not want to see this." 

"Yes I do!"  
  
"Be quiet!" He hissed, pulling away from the binoculars to glare at Yuffie. "I've had a lifetime of experience in the subject of 'not wanting to see stuff'. I'm saving you the trouble!"

He looked through the binoculars again.  
  
"Vii-----nn—iiiee!" Yuffie pouted, and swiped the binoculars when he turned to glare at her. "Thank you!"

She peered through them, and looked aghast.  
  
"He's, he's..." She flustered. "He's playing peek-a-boo with a cat!" And they could both hear Sephiroth working on the second verse of 'singing in the rain'. "That man is downright _evil_!"

And Vincent could picture him doing it, too. He could picture Sephiroth down on his knees, hiding behind his hands and then revealing himself with a silly grin. While singing. There was something very evil going on, for sure. How could Sephiroth come up with so much diabolical evil in so short of time, he wondered.

"Oh, shit, vinnie, he's leaving!" Yuffie cried, standing up. "Oh my god! He's got the Massamune! He's... He's taking it with him! Oh my gawd, Vinnie, he's gonna go hack people up 'n' we're not gonna be able to stop 'im 'n' its all gonna be our fault 'n' a great big rock will fall from the sky 'n' destroy everything 'n'-"  
  
"Yuffie, do me a favour and try not to talk for a few minutes." Vincent hissed, taking a perch on the ledge of the building. Yuffie stopped babbling and joined him, leaning over the ledge and watching.  
  
The door of the apartment building slid open, and Sephiroth strode out, the sheathed Masamune slung over his shoulder while he carried it loosely. Both Vincent and Yuffie could hear him humming 'singing in the rain'. They shuddered.

As he rounded a corner, Vincent hopped off the ledge to the street below, agilely landing without any damage. Yuffie stared at the gunslinger, doing the maths for a second. Lessee, he fell for about twenty seconds, maybe more... Holy shit! Twenty metres at the least! (Is it just me or could Cloud & co. jump to insane heights in the game?)

"What are you waiting for, Yuffie?!" Vincent hissed. "Jump!"  
  
The shinobi fearfully leaned over the ledge, looking down.  
  
"Its, ah, a very long fall, isn't it?" She said cautiously.  
  
Vincent sighed.  
  
"Yuffie, its only twenty metres. Weren't you trained for this sort of stuff?"  
  
"What?! We were encouraged _not_ to jump off buildings if you knew you would end up peeling yourself off the ground!"  
  
Again, Vincent sighed.

"Alright, I promise that I'll catch you."

Yuffie brightened up.  
  
"Yeah? Don't miss now!"

Yuffie took a step back from the ledge, and steeled herself up for the jump.

_C'mon, Yuffster, you can do this!_ She thought with determination. But somewhere in the back of her head a little diagram was appearing that showed what happened to people who jumped off of buildings. They ended up on the news, and not in the good way, either.

And before she knew the word of it, she was falling through the air.

_Ohshitohshitohshitohshitohshit_ She cursed mentally, plummeting rapidly. The ground was getting closer at a pace quicker than she liked.  
  
"Oo--------hh Shhiiiiii-------"Yuffie began to shout as she almost hit the ground.  
  
"Gotcha." And then she was in the arms of Vincent, who promptly put her down on her feet again.

"-It?" Yuffie finished speculatively. "Hey, that was kinda fun!" She cried energetically. "Can I do it again, Vinnie?" upon a lack of response, Yuffie looked around. "Vinnie?"

He was currently stalking down the street behind Sephiroth. He looked over his shoulder long enough to hiss at her. "Come _on_." He ordered quickly.

* * *

Vincent could have made a good ninja, Yuffie thought silently. He had a freaky way of blending into the shadows that just couldn't be natural. And despite those heavy boots he could have snuck up on a cat. You'd think a really tall guy with a red cape and a golden claw would arouse more attention, but he had an uncanny way of _not_ being noticed. Whereas on a normal day Yuffie had to beat off spectators when she tried sneaking past somebody. How could somebody move so unnoticed?! He had a _claw!_

Sephiroth was about half a block in front of them, now humming 'Just a Gigolo'. Every once in a while, he started singing out loud. It was embarrassing to think that they were stalking him to discover his evil plot. Which had yet to take form.

Suddenly, quite unexpectedly, a bank that had spontaneously appeared from nowhere erupted in an explosion. A car that was parked nearby was flung through the air by the force, rolled across the street and slammed into a Materia shop. Vincent's first reaction was to whip the Death Penalty from whatever secret place he his it, and faced towards the bank to face whatever had caused such a thing. Yuffie's reaction was slightly more predictable. She disappeared mysteriously, clutching a big brown bag. Vincent was just beginning to pull the huge rifle up to aim when a swirl of black trench-coat blurred past, and brandishing what looked like a massive wooden sword. Painted a flamboyant shade of yellow. It lashed out at the four emerging people bearing brown bags, and before Vincent could do anything, Sephiroth had bashed the four people with quick strikes. They hit the ground with a sad 'oomph'. Seemingly out of nowhere, Sephiroth produced a coil of rope and a PHS, first dialling in a number then proceeding to tie up the groaning criminals.

"Hello? Is this the police station? Really? Great!" Sephiroth said enthusiastically. "I've just apprehended four people that tried to rob the bank on 21st, so if you could come and take them away, that'd be wonderful! What? You're on your way now? Wonderful! Then I can continue my rounds! Bye-bye!" And with that Sephiroth hung up.  
  
Yuffie emerged from the shadows, her bag immensely bigger, and padded up next to Vincent. She studied the scene for a moment, and then spoke.  
  
"Did he just pull out a yellow wooden sword?!" She asked incredulously.  
  
Vincent stared, and said nothing.  
  
"He did, didn't he? He brought out a great long yellow stick and _hit people_ with it! Wait! I know his evil plot now!" Yuffie whispered excitedly.  
  
Vincent continued to stare, but managed to get a quiet 'really?' out.

"He's going to build a huge stick, paint it yellow so nobody suspects anything, then _he's going to drop it on a city_!" She said dramatically.  
  
Vincent looked away from Sephiroth to look in awe at Yuffie.

"That," He started. "Is quite possibly the stup-"

"Why, is that Yuffie and Vincent?!" Sephiroth said, suddenly noticing them. He jogged up them, a great big smile on his lips. "It is! What are you two doing here?"

"Out for a walk. You wouldn't believe the things we've found." Yuffie said glibly, smiling brightly. Vincent had an odd, blank look in his eyes. He felt like there something important that he should be doing, but nobody had bothered to enlighten him at what this thing was.

"Oh?" Sephiroth said. Suddenly a look of understanding passed across his face, and he looked slyly at Vincent. "Vincent, you dog! She can't be your age!" He elbowed the ex-turk in what he thought to be a friendly gesture. Vincent's eyes went wide.  
  
"Wha? Bu, I," He struggled to find the right words for his indignity. He was insinuating _that_ was he? Well, he would just have to be-

"Is it that easy to tell?" Yuffie asked innocently.

Vincent reeled on Yuffie, staring at her disbelievingly.  
  
"Hey! Wha-"  
  
"Oh, I suspected, of course, but you two just look so, I dunno, _cute_ together! I just thought that you had to be... Y'know." Sephiroth winked slyly.  
  
Vincent looked at Vincent, then at Yuffie, then back at Sephiroth.  
  
"_cute_?!" He said acidly. "We're not... That!"  
  
"Yes you are!" Sephiroth returned. 

"Am not!"  
  
"Are too!"  
  
"Am- stop that!" Vincent had suddenly remembered doing just this sort of thing before. When he had been five. And he had most definitely _not _been a doody-face, neither then nor now.  
  
"Oh, come on, Vinnie, we are pretty cute together." Yuffie said ingratiatingly. Vincent whirled on her with an angry look. "But we're not actually, y'know, seeing eachother. I just like to tease him." Yuffie said this with a great big grin.

Sephiroth nodded in understanding.

"I see." He seemed to suddenly think of something. "Say, would you like to have dinner at my place? I'm new in this city and don't have many friends yet, and you seem nice enough. You're not going to steal my keys and break into my house, are you?"  
  
"Why Sephiroth," Yuffie said with a mischievous grin. "How could you ever think such a thing?"

* * *

"For the record, I would like you to know that I am most definitely _not_ cute." Vincent said vehemently. "Why in the world did I ever come along for this? I could have been back in Nibelheim, bothering nobody, just sleeping in my nice... Well, anyway, why did you get us invited to Sephiroth's _house_?!"

Yuffie grinned mischievously.

"We're bound to find something incriminating if we can get _inside_ his house, instead of just looking through the windows!" She said encouragingly. 

"Well, fine, I guess we could." Vincent conceded. "But we are _not_ cute. Especially not me."

* * *

Egads! A sudden, abrupt stop! What ever will happen to our two heroes/stalkers? You don't know! Bwahahaha!


	3. The House of Fun

I have a few things I want to comment on:

Me being the best Yuffie+Vincent story writer: Aww, that's just about the nicest thing anybody around here has said to me! You just scored a very big point in my book o' whatever, chaotic pink chocobo!

Cat Duty: What exactly is this... Cat duty? I have no idea what it is, yet I find it strangely interesting. Any enlightenment on the subject would be appreciated. (Anyt'ing for teh money!)

Kawaii (Nudgenudge): Darn tootin'! Vincent is one of the better characters in FF (ranking up there with Shadow, Auron and Sephiroth!). You have no idea how ecstatic I was when I found out Square-enix was going to make a sequel to FF7 based on good ol' Vinnie. Hurray!

Arsenic and Mercury: You might think that, but no. Those two things have a nasty tendency to be... Fatal, if not used correctly, and I wouldn't subject sephy to that sort of thing. I'm afraid our good friend Sephiroth has nothing inside of him except general niceness. I had to use forty-seven bags of the stuff, but I managed to stick it all in him.

Wanton Narration: (que Money Python voice) Stop that, stop that! (End Monty Python voice) I can't have stories evolving in the review section! I'd be sunk if that happened!

Well, sorry SO much for the delay (The world has been locked in a closet and held at gun-point for the past month or so, due to the release of KOTOR 2, a plethora of other games (But mostly KOTOR 2) and Christmas and the world in general. And I'm a lazy bastard, but that's beside the point. Battling the wild urge to play KOTOR 2 yet again for the... I've lost count of how many times I've played it. Wait, now that I think of, I'm _not_ sorry. This time was well spent, dammit! I regret _nothing_! _NOTHING,_ I say!) but without further due, here it is!

* * *

**_Chapter III: The House Of Fun_**

Sephiroth met them at the door. He was wearing a tuxedo that didn't fit him well. Several sizes so, in fact, but the wide smile on his face was enough to distract even Sherlock Holmes from this.

"Come in, come in! I've made enough for a small army!" He said cheerfully, throwing open the door.

That Vincent would have brought anything that resembled formal wear was a long shot, Yuffie had thought on beforehand, but as it turned out if you managed to pry the cape and pointy metal shoes (Which Yuffie 'accidentally' dropped into an oil-furnace), a sort of indigo suit lay underneath, which could pass as formal if you looked away from the shocking resemblance to the _other_ weirdoes who had worn indigo suits. His hair had been a veritable battleground, and Yuffie had only managed to tie it into something that resembled a lumpy pony-tail by jumping on his back when he had slipped on the ice while on the way there.

Yuffie simply wore a dark coat and jeans, which had taken _much_ less convincing.

"Wonderful." Vincent muttered sourly, fidgeting nervously. He latched onto Yuffie as a sort of comfort limb. "I'm _naked_, Yuffie!" He hissed lowly. "Why did you burn my cape? _Why!_"

"Stop whining!" Yuffie hissed back, still smiling at Sephiroth, who by now had raised an eyebrow slightly. "Nice to be here, Sephy!" She said to Sephiroth, while nudging Vincent.

The ex-turk seemed to grow a spine (or realized that he'd be ridiculed and teased as it was without him being a total wuss) and smiled half-heartedly.

"Yeah, it's a pleasure..."

"Great!" Sephiroth exclaimed, and gestured for them to head on in. Yuffie did so without hesitation, Vincent shortly behind, looking slightly less confident. Sephiroth entered last.

Yuffie nearly stopped in shock when she saw the long table filled with what looked like a feast stripped straight from a fairytale. Turkey, goose, pork, and a plethora of other foods stretched out across a three foot table.

"Holy heck, Sephiroth, how many animals did you kill to get this much food!" She asked incredulously. Behind her she could hear Vincent go all runny, wondering what the hell was going on.

"What? _Animals! Dead animals!_" Sephiroth said in a horrified tone. "Good gracious me, _no!_ They're plastic! I just put them there to make it look more complete. I'm a vegetarian! I would never harm a living creature!"

Yuffie coughed violently, and had to glare at Vincent to stop him from saying otherwise. As it was, he merely said.

"Really? I try to be a vegetarian, myself, but sometimes something inside of me just has to have meat." He said wryly, allowing himself a small smirk. Yuffie stared at the gunslinger, the enormity of it dawning on her. Vincent told a _joke_! And a very discreet one, she added to herself silently.

Sephiroth beamed.

"Patience, Vinnie, patience!" He said optimistically. "It's not something that happens over night! You'll master it eventually."

Vincent's grin withered suddenly.

"I can always hope." He said darkly, obviously feeling deflated at a lack of even titter.

"Well, you'll get a head-start here." Sephiroth said brightly, taking a spot at the head of the table. "Dig in!"

And then, if things could go any better, they did. For a while.

Things took a distinct downward trend, however, when a pea struck Vincent on the forehead.

He knew it was a pea, because he felt something mushy hit his forehead, and when he tried to examine what it was, he saw (He looked at his reflection on his shiny metal claw) what appeared to be a green spot. The ex-turk looked accusingly at Yuffie, and then wiped the pea-mush off his head with his claw.

"Was it you?" He merely asked, expecting his cold tone to do the work.

The Materia-Hunter looked indignant, and huffed, before pointing at Sephiroth, who had a badly concealed grin on his face.

"Sephiroth..." Vincent began.

"_IT WAS YUFFIE_!" Sephiroth interjected with a giggle. A giggle with a very schoolgirl-ish tone. "IT Was y, y, yufff.." The last bit was drowned out by hysterical laughter. In a matter of seconds the enemy of all life was reduced to a giggling heap, slapping the table as if pleading for mercy. Yuffie and Vincent stared in horrified amazement. Vincent dropped the fork he had been holding. It clanged against his plate, laden as it was with veggies.

After about five minutes more of vicious giggling fits, Sephiroth seemed to get himself under control. He carefully repositioned himself on his chair, cleared his throat, and readjusted his tie.

"It wasn't me. I honestly swear that it was Yuffie." He said carefully. "Scout's honor."

Vincent was silent, before finally blinking. (After having not blinked for the last five minutes or so.) He shot another accusing glance at Yuffie, who was grinning sheepishly.

"Yeah, I did it. Funny, wasn't it, eh, Sephy?" She said brightly.

Green eyes shined merrily and he smiled broadly.

"Charming!" He said loudly with a small trace of giggle.

"Especially when it hit his head and he just looked up, looking like a rock with eyes."

"Mmmyeees..." Sephiroth said carefully, valiantly fighting off a grin.

Yuffie grinned mischievously.

"And then, _wham_! Liquefied pea! Wasn't it just _hilarious!_"

Sephiroth was on the brink of laughter again.

"Y, heh, yeeees..." He was fighting hard to keep his composure, Vincent could see. He had let loose a weak laugh mid-word.

"And when he just looked at us with that _look_."

And that seemed to have been Sephiroth's breaking point. Again, he was thrown into wild, hysterical laughter that just wouldn't die down. Vincent sat with the mushy remnants of pea in his hand, staring.

Somewhere in the deep, dark bowels of his mind, something had suddenly gone _click_ and a grin cracked his lips. Sitting there, staring at previous one-winged angel giggle like a tipsy chocobo, Vincent couldn't help but smile. Suddenly, before he could stop himself, he laughed. And then everything went downhill from there. The room was filled with the sound of wanton laughter. Except from Yuffie, whose previous mischievous smile had mutated into a horrified grimace upon hearing Vincent laugh.

_Holy Leviathan!_ Yuffie thought panickingly. _First Sephiroth's a saint then Vincent is getting all giggly! What the hell is going on around here!_

Slowly, both Sephiroth and Vincent got themselves under control. Sephiroth made a big deal of clearing his throat, while Vincent laughs simply began to die down. Vincent looked over at Yuffie for a moment, then grinned mischievously. Quickly, and with no slight puzzlement, she returned the grin, and quietly began to eat her food again. Things began to quiet down on the table, and that was a good thing, the shinobi thought.

And then the mashed potatoes hit her. A spoons-worth of mashed potato had, for some odd, unexplainable reason, sailed across the room, over the plastic turkey, and struck her cheek. For a moment, she just sat there, before both her nature and years of shinobi training made her launch a heavy barrage of peas at the direction from which the potatoes had come from.

And they hit both Sephiroth and Vincent, who had set up a sort of barricade behind plastic meats, and were hastily trying to load a gelatin-looking substance onto each their spoons. Peas exploded in little pieces of green mushiness as they hit plastic pork, Vincent and Sephiroth.

"_Foood fiiight!_" Sephiroth shouted eagerly, before flinging the gelatin.

Vincent leaped to the side, grabbing a dish of boiled carrot's, and began laying about him with the vegetables, the orange missiles flying with deadly accuracy. Yuffie had to jump out her chair to avoid being plastered by the soft carrots that inevitably explode into orange mushiness on impact. At the same time, she grabbed a bowl of olives, prepared to fight with tooth and nail if need be.

Sephiroth seemed content where he was, and was using his spoon to launch globs of gelatin at intervals with haphazard and terrible glee. Every once in a while deadly potato salad flung with evil intent, hitting wither Vincent or Yuffie, or plastering the nearby furniture funny colors with it's vile, vile magic. Or potatoes. You can never really tell, with potato salad.

And Yuffie was caught between Sephiroth and the slow movements Vincent was making to catch her unwary back in deadly crossfire. Grabbing a fistful of olives, she whirled around and threw them at Vincent, who was covered in the dark, oily... Whatever it was that olives floated in, and pelted with the olives themselves. Taken aback by the ferocity of this, Vincent failed to see the oncoming potato salad until it was too late. With his mouth already open in a laugh, and the evil substance traveling fast, it didn't take long for things to get worse.

"Er-AGH!" Vincent gagged, with the potato salad working merry hell in his mouth. "Ge' i' OU'!" He moaned pathetically, trying to cough the vile stuff out.

Yuffie found herself rapidly trying to perform the Heimlich-maneuver, thinking that he was choking. Sephiroth, having peeked over the plastic meats to see what all the commotion was about, gasped in horror.

"Oh my god! I never meant to do that!" He cried hysterically, plowing through his makeshift barrier. "Somebody call the hospital!" He was already rising, making for the telephone. Hastily, he dialed in a number, and held the thing to his ear.

"Sephiroth, it's just potato salad!"

Sephiroth looked frantically around.

"_Not the way I make it!_" He hissed darkly.

* * *

Egads! Another abrupt end! (I really gotta stop doing that...) 

What is it that Sephiroth puts in his evil potato salad of DOOM? Has Vincent and Sephiroth gone completely Looney-Tunes? Will I evet get around to making the next chapter at a reasonable time?

Find out soon! (Or late!)


	4. The Plot Thickens

No, I'm not dead. Really, I'm not. Just resting.

As you can see, I never did get around to making the next chapter for quite a while. Enjoy it now, though.

* * *

**_Chapter IV: The Plot Thickens_**

"Not the way you make it?" Yuffie asked incredulously. "What in the world could you put in potato salad to make it necessary to call the hospital?"

Sephiroth didn't answer, as he was preoccupied with the phone. He waited tensely as it droned on with it's ring. Then somebody picked up on the other line.

"_Neo Midgar hospital. What seems to be the problem?"_

"Oh, yay!" Sephiroth sighed "Now, I have a terrible problem here. One of my friends, he accidentally ate some of my potato salad. Is that dangerous?"

There was a deep silence from the other line, and then at last an answer.

_"You called a hospital because one of your friends ate some potato salad? What kind of an idiot are you?"_

"Now, there's no need to get peevish, I'm just wondering. I don't think he's breathing."

_"What? What the heck did you put in the damn thing!"_

"Well," Spehiroth began sheepishly. "Some Ether."

"_Ether!_" Yuffie hissed incredulously, looking down at the oddly smiling form of Vincent, and remembered that he had been sitting very close to the potato salad. No wonder he had been getting all funny.

_"Ether. You put Ether in a potato salad. May I ask why?"  
_  
"Well, would you eat it otherwise?"

More silence.

"_Point taken. But a little ether shouldn't hurt him. Maybe he's allergic?"_

"Erm, weeeeell, maybe not a little..." Sephiroth answered nervously.

_"How much did you put in?"_

"About four bottles."

"_Four bottles!"_ The voice from the phone shouted. _"What the hell is wrong with you? With that much you'd catch a buzz just looking at it! I'm sending the ambulance!"

* * *

_

_Beep_

They had hooked Vincent into some sort of machine, with electrodes stuck on his arm and then machine beeping off with something or other. Probably his heart. His coat had been pried off (even under the influence of an insane amount of ether, Vincent was willing and able to put up a fight when it came to whatever he was wearing.) and was now cleaned of the drool and lethal potato salad. The stark, bare white walls of the hospital that some person had no doubt thought would make the place feel more hygienic merely made it seem desolate and bleak. Two chairs had been brought in for the two visitors who had obviously lied about being related, but were let in on special occasion as two of the three people in question were members of AVALANCHE, the third of which looked strangely familiar...

Vincent laid under a quilt someone had brought in, a hideous thing that only a mother could have made and expect some child to use. By the looks of it, said child had either run away or inevitably 'misplaced' it, and was now gracing Vincent's narrow chest.

Yuffie sat in her chair restlessly, as if waiting for something to happen.

_Beep_

Sephiroth had started out their stay at the hospital pacing in circles. The smile was gone from his face, which was both worrying and relieving at the same time. Relieving in that he was finally looking _somewhat_ like the diabolical super villain he _obviously_ was (He had just put Vinnie in the hospital! The guy had done the whole eco-terrorist shebang with Cloud and never so much as _seen_ a hospital bed, and Sephiroth did it in what must have been world-wide record time!), but worrying that his unquenchable optimism had just been quenched. On the whole, neither was a very heartening prospect, but at the moment Yuffie wasn't caring all that much.

_Beep_

The young shinobi glared daggers at the beeping contraption, her nervous and slightly panicked mind unconsciously lashing out at any inanimate objects handy. She resisted the sudden urge to throw a salvo of pointy objects at it, and instead sagged deeper into her chair, suddenly weary.

Sephiroth had at some point during their stay moved into one of the darker corners, hunched down with his back wedged in there, and gone strangely quiet. Yuffie looked over at him, and saw that he was cradling his head in his hands, and if she strained her ears she could make out the sound of him whispering something. She couldn't tell what, only that something was being repeated over and over again.

It was unnerving, not to mention freaky.

_Beep_

They said that all the ether had made Vincent's insides go all runny, that the natural flow of the lifestream inside of him had gone berserk for a moment. It was like having several high-level spells go off _inside_ of you, one of the nurses explained with a sympathizing tone, at the same time explaining that there was always _someone_ in Neo-Midgar who made the same mistake. (Intoxication was a welcome and popular alternative to actually tasting the much dreaded potato salad, it seemed.) They had taken some x-rays and other weird procedures, and when they failed to find any lasting damage, they called his condition a fluke and moved him over to a different ward. And not without a bit of disappointment, either. Some of the doctors had looked quite keen on opening Vincent up and seeing what hundreds of demonic transformations had done to his body. It was only when they saw the assassin's younger accomplice that they yielded completely, and now here she was.

Alone, with Sephiroth. A muttering, whispering Sephiroth who was now also rocking back and forth gently.

Yuffie couldn't stand it any more. She craned her head slowly in Sephiroth's direction, and poured all her effort into listening to what he was saying.

At first she thought he was muttering "I'm gonna kill her", but after a moment of frantic listening, hoping otherwise, she realised what he was really saying. It was sad, when she figured it out, that the first thing she had done when she had met him was turn tail and try to have him killed. But really, who wouldn't if they had had their experience with the man?

In his corner, rocking back forth and covering his face, Sephiroth was whispering gently, feverishly even.

"... I am not a killer. I am not a killer. I am not a killer..." Over and over again. Unceasingly. Yuffie thought she heard some sniffling, but tried not to picture Sephiroth crying. It was bad enough as it was.

_Beep_

Something moved over by the bed where Vincent lay. Yuffie caught the motion of the corner of her eye, and was there in a second. Sephiroth heard her movements, and rubbed his face thoroughly before joining her at Vincent's side.

His claw was rhythmically opening and closing, as if it were trying to latch onto something it couldn't quite grasp. After a few moments of this, Vincent's face scrunched up as if he was in pain, and tossed slowly from side to side.

"Nightmare..." Yuffie muttered under her breath, and began to wonder what kind of horrors would make Vincent squirm like this.

It was at that moment she realized how little she knew about the gunslinger. Sure, she had pieced together little pieces of his story. Something to do with some woman, Hojo, and the Turks. Other things though, like how old he was, where he was from, how he managed to transform into mosters... These things eluded her, and the same held true of the other members of AVALANCHE she guessed. The man wasn't a closed book. He wasn't even a mystery wrapped up in an enigma. No, he was a closed book in a sealed vault that had fallen off a boat into an unknown crevice at the bottom of the ocean, covered up in mystery and using an enigma as a cover for the _real_ book.

"Lucre-" Vincent began, his eyes snapping open as he said this, and he said promptly stopped himself from saying whatever he was going to say. He looked at both Sephiroth and Yuffie, and then at the atrocity of a quilt on him, and a look of slight puzzlement flitted across his face. "What am I doing here?" After a few moments of even more confusion, he looked down at his bare chest. "And why don't I have a shirt?"

Silently, and without hesitation, Sephiroth removed his tuxedo jacket and draped it over Vincent's shoulders. The gunslinger cast him a grateful glance, without any of the awkwardness he had before possessed. He looked at them again for a moment, attempting to clear his throat. He wasn't used to being the centre of attention, and didn't like it all too much. He didn't have the ability to sneak off if things went wrong, something he was used to after years of keeping to the background. He tried to smile reassuringly, but had a hard time of it. He had mastered grinning on command, but forcing smiles were still beyond his capabilities.

After a few painful moments of facial experimentation, Vincent gave up.

"Would you guys mind _not_ crowding me?" He asked as politely as he could. Slightly embarrassed, both Sephiroth and retreated to their respective chairs, letting Vincent recompose himself.

The gunslinger took a moment to orientate himself, and take note of his surroundings. He noticed the strange apparatus hooked up to him, and sneered contemptuously as he yanked a pair of diodes out his flesh and tossed them away. There was a long beep from the machine, before it quieted down. With a flash of annoyance, he gestured Yuffie to turn around briefly, while he checked to see if he was wearing any pants. When he discovered that this wasn't the case, he scowled darkly. He swivelled his legs around, so that he was now sitting on the edge of the bed instead of laying, and made a makeshift skirt/kilt out of the horrifying quilt by tying it around his waste. This was difficult, due to his claw, but he eventually managed it.

Now, semi-clothed, the quiet man pushed himself from the bed and stood up, a bit unsteady at first, but quickly recovering. Sephiroth offered a shoulder to steady him, but the gunslinger refused.

"Where is my gun?" He demanded as made his way for the door of his room.

Sephiroth answered his question by lifting a sports-bag that he had curled up with inside the corner. Vinent nodded in understanding, and walked past Yuffie.

"Vinnie, what're ya doing!" Yuffie exclaimed as she saw Vincent stride out into the hall, a scantily clothed man with a mission. "They said you got ether poisoning!" She tried to reason.

"I'm over it." He countered, much in the same way he would remark that the sky was blue. "We need to leave."

A pair of nurses saw him storming towards them, and in the same way that people ran away from oncoming maelstroms or stampeding dragons they fled. Walking down the halls with a slightly unsteady gait, dishevelled hair and a glittering metal claw, he looked like the sort of monsters that children have nightmares of. Sephiroth followed closely, his several-sizes-too-big white shirt wrinkled and untucked but his eyes carrying a strange determination that was somehow out of place with his previous behaviour. Yuffie trotted along behind them, worried but glad that her accomplice-in-crime (Well, not so much crime) was on his feet and back to his old self.

They made a quick pace through the hospital, slightly lost but slowly closing in on the exit.

Unbeknownst to them, two people were following them. One was wearing one of the paper dresses that most patients wore, quietly walking behind them with bare feet. The person made fleshy tapping sounds as they moved, and their mouth was slightly agape. Their eyes wore an empty, soulless sort of look, the kind normally associated with clinical death. With lurching, unsteady movements, he made his way down the hall, muttering something to himself.

When the person was finally stopped by a pair of nurses, they protested vaguely. Neither could quite understand what he said, but they assumed it was a protest and carefully escorted him back to his bed.

The other follower, who _had_ understood what the man had muttered, reached inside a pocket and pulled out a cell-phone, dialled a number and held the thing to her ear. After a single ring, someone answered.

"Number eighty-seven reacted to the host, despite a lack of the Precursor." Someone said something on the other line "Yes, I am certain the host lacks the Precursor." Again, the other speaker spoke. "Because he's not killing people, sir." She answered, exasperatedly.

After a moment of more speaking from the other person, presumably giving more orders, the woman holding the phone suddenly grinned.

"No, I don't get tired of being right, sir."


	5. Viva Resistance!

Sry 'bout the funky layout in the original doc, was twisted when I uploaded this and didn't think to edit

**_Chapter V: Viva Resistance!_**

Quickly after fleeing the hospital, Vincent made a horrifying discovery.

"It's _cold_ outside!" He hissed out, trying not to bite his tongue with his rattling teeth.

His already deathly pallor had, if possible, gotten even paler, effectively making him look like a walking high-voltage light bulb. If he got any paler, he would start glowing.

"What exactly did you expect, Vinnie? Tropical weather?" Yuffie retorted, feeling the cold herself. She hadn't picked her clothes with snow and ice in mind, and it was all she could do to not stop hopping around in an attempt to keep warm. "This is the freakin' Northern continent!"

"We can head over to my apartment, it's not too far from here." Sephiroth offered, again full of the optimism he had had before possessed. "We can make hot-cocoa, and tell ghost-stories!" He said gleefully, apparently impervious to the cold. Both Yuffie and Vincent shot him envious glares.

"I have a better idea: Let's _not_." Vincent grumbled, though not too enthusiastically. Something hot to drink would have been _very_ welcome, he had to admit. His cape and suit, though, would be even more welcome.

"Don't listen to him, Seph." Yuffie growled out, rubbing her hands together. "I'm up for some cocoa, and I know some wicked stories. Ever heard the one about the headless chocobo?"

Sephiroth was agog to hear about that, needless to say, and quickly persuaded the shinobi into telling her ghostly story. Vincent knew the story, though in his time it had been a headless moogle as the main character, and there had been a lot more killing in it. One of his siblings had used the story to scare him to sleep when he had been a child. It was strangely pleasant to hear the story again, changed as it was into something different.

He shifted the quilt around his hips, as it was sliding down slowly. As much as he hated to wear the monstrosity of fabric, he hated the idea of prancing around without any pants on even more.

Carefully ignoring something that skittered into an alley, Vincent followed closely behind Sephiroth and Yuffie, quietly correcting Yuffie whenever her version of the tale differed from his own. When Yuffie ended her story with 'and the chocobo found his head again', Vincent ended his with 'and the moogle decapitated everyone and dipped their heads in tar'.

It was those sort of childhood moments that had shaped into the man he was today, he thought to himself with an internal grin.

"Well that's a nice story!" Sephiroth exclaimed, a smile plastered to his face. "This'll be great! We can tell stories all night!"

"Joy of joys." Vincent muttered, just loud enough to hear.

"I know! Oh! We can play Truth or Dare!"

"Fine." Vincent conceded woefully. He suddenly perked up. "But only if I get a decent suit of clothing!"

Both Yuffie and Sephiroth pouted at this.

"Ah, no fun! I was planning on dropping ice-cubes down that jacket!" Sephiroth

"And I was gonna take pictures! Nobody is gonna believe me about this! Or other stuff!"

Vincent said nothing about this, but he did frown pointedly.

* * *

Eventually, they made it back to Sephiroth's house. The moon was high in the sky by then, and everyone was pretty tired. Cups of warm chocolaty goodness were prepared, and the trio draped themselves with various bedspreads and covers. Yuffie had claimed Sephiroth's couch early on in the morning, and Sephiroth had quickly occupied a recliner. Vincent was left to his own devices under the arm yuffie's couch, crouched up into a warm ball and laden with covers all over.

Sephiroth had gladly supplied Vincent with some clothing. Unfortunately, said clothing happened to be a long black trenchcoat. Vincent, tall as he was, was all but consumed by the thing, which was tailored with Sephiroth in mind.

They had run out of stories long ago, and were now sleepily playing Truth or Dare. Sephiroth and Vincent had so far always chosen 'dare', while Yuffie had chose more randomly. So far Sephiroth had made several rounds around the building in various clothing ranging from minimal to almost clown-like. Vincent had stood outside a bar and boldly proclaimed his love of sporks to everyone who would listen. After being "Truth'd" by Sephiroth, Yuffie gladly spilled the beans on any embarrassing thing Vincent had done that she had been witness to. At which point Vincent retaliated by taking the earliest opportunity to make her polish his boots.

"Alright, Truth or Dare Vinnie?" Sephiroth asked, a tired grin on his face.

Yuffie was asleep by now, snoring gently on the couch.

"Dare." Vincent declared for the umpteenth time. "Make it something indoors, this time. I think I have frostbite."

"Indoors, hmm?" Sephiroth mumbled, already deep in thought. A sudden wicked smile crept across his face. Vincent almost cringed at this, silently fearing that Sephiroth had regained his trademark insanity.

"You have to..." He said this slowly, to draw out tension. "... Kiss Yuffie!"

The assassin stared, flabbergasted. His eyes flashed open in surprise and, most openly, annoyance. What little mirth he might have acquired whilst playing the game was instantly butchered by Vincent's vengeful lack of expression.

"No." He deadpanned, making it infinitely clear that any further inquiries into the matter would result in lots of pain.

At this point Sephiroth laughed.

"You gotta, Vince. Truth or Dare, 'n' you picked dare! Do it!"

"No." Vincent repeated.

* * *

Meanwhile...

Further away, in a shadier part of Neo-Midgar, someone was singing. It was an odd tune, but infinitely catchy. It contrasted wildly with their ironed, clean and prim suit of black clothing. It was the kind of suit you got when you could afford to swim in your own wealth.

"I like big _boots_ 'n' I cannot lie!" He sang loudly, with much enthusiasm. "You other villains can't deny, that when rogue goes to town lookin' like his feet weigh twenty pounds, _ you get – _Oh, hey there." The alleyway Singer was abruptly cut off by the arrival of a likewise clad woman. The Singer looked slightly ashamed, if people who wore clothing so formal could actually be ashamed of anything.

"One day, someone is going to stab you in the back because of your horrible, horrible songs," The woman said with a sigh. "And I'm afraid it'll be me."

The Singer smiled toothily, making his face look predatory.

"I know you wanna do something with me, but I'm not sure its stabbing." He said with a leer.

"Would you get your mind out of the gutter for five seconds!" The woman snapped, her irritation showing. "What's your progress on the Interloper?"

"Hmm? Him? He's gone, Joan." He said impishly, but full of skepticism. "Never been here either, if you ask me. Scion is too sma-"

"I didn't ask for your opinion on the matter!" The woman interjected icily, and one of her hands lashed out and dug into the Singer's shoulder. The fingers bore short claws, and easily tore into flesh. "If you haven't found him, then keep looking! And when you do, don't approach him! Report back to me!"

And with that she threw the Singer back, launching him into a wall against which he landed heavily. She twisted on her heel, turning the other way and leaving the Singer to his own devices.

Eventually, the Singer forced himself back to his feet and tried to dust himself off, but despaired when he saw that blood had sunk into the fabric. He removed the jacket, and tossed into a dumpster.

"Damned woman." He muttered with a growl, and began singing a mournful dirge.

* * *

Back to the Action!

"I don't care that we're playing Truth or Dare, Sephiroth. I am not kissing Yuffie, not today or ever." Vincent repeated coldly.

"Fine, then you gotta do a Truth!"

"I will do nothing of the sort."

"You can't do that!"

"But I am."

The two glared hotly at one another, neither willing to give up. From his cocoon of coverlets Vincent's red orbs shot pure resistance, while Sephiroth was full of resent at the scandalous disregard of the rules.

"It's against the rules!" Sephiroth complained.

"They have just been changed."

"You can't do that!"

"Am I going to have to rectify this situation as well?" Vincent said, as emotional as a brick.

More glaring, until Sephiroth propped his back against his armchair heavily and with a pout. He glowered heavily at Vincent, who by now had resolved to ignore Sephiroth until such a time as he went away, or even better, gave himself away for being a maniacal psychopath Vincent knew he was.

"Cheater." Sephiroth accused with a pout.

"I prefer to call it 'random rule changing'." Vincent supplied.

Sephiroth 'hmph'ed this, and snuggled deeper into the armchair.

Silence settled into the room, broken only by Yuffie's quiet breathing. The rhythm was unbroken, and eventually joined in by Sephiroth.

Vincent was left alone in the darkness, waiting for sleep to sneak up on him and whisk him away.

After several hours of glaring into the darkness fruitlessly, he decided to give up... And seek other ways to pass the time.

With care and skill that came from experience, Vincent began to systematically move through Sephiroth's apartment, looking in closets and boxes and dressers for any sort of clue for malice. His progress was quick, meticulous and above all, fruitless.

Vincent had even happened upon a diary of sorts, and when he poured into its contents he found that the only thing that might be considered in the slightest bit mean was that he used his 'Massamune' to bash would-be criminals into submission or unconsciousness, whichever came first. The rest over it was littered in the nauseatingly sugar-coated happenings that Sephiroth wrote in there. With no slight disgust, he put the thing back where he found it and soundlessly stalked back into the room where Sephiroth was sleeping.

In the darkness, something jingled. Vincent whirled around, only to be confronted by a cat, which he recognized as Mr. Snuggles, sauntering into the room. It had a collar on, with a small bell attached to it that jingled whenever it moved.

Vincent was perplexed as to how he had managed to overlook the feline in his search through the house, seeing as it couldn't move around unnoticed. He screwed his brows up in frustration.

"Where did you come from?" He demanded of the cat.

The cat, lacking the capabilities to answer him, settled with rubbing up against his leg. Vincent watched this for a few moments, before sighing.

He made his way back to his spot by the couch, and again wrapped himself up in the warm sheets. After a moment or two, he heard a soft purr coming from the direction of the couch, and guessed that the cat had jumped up to join Yuffie. How it had done it without a sound, though, was a mystery.

This worried Vincent in a small way. But, he supposed, it was a mystery he could live with remaining unsolved.


	6. A Sore Area

Thanks to Apollyon for pointing out the error in chapter 2. I always knew there was a reason I hate physics, and now we all know what that is. I suck at it. I doff my invisible hat to him/her for correcting me on this matter, but will not change it owing to the fact that I am a lazy bastard.

Sorry this chapter is late, I'm busy with finals and my internet connection is going on and off like a light-switch controlled by a small child on a sugar rush.

Anyways, rejoice my peoples, for it is "new chapter time"!

* * *

**_Chapter VI: A Sore Area_**

Vincent awoke to the sound of pots and pans clattering against the floor, and the very distressing smell of smoke. His eyes snapped open and he leapt to his feet, expecting the worst. Sephiroth's cat protested at this, mostly due to the fact that it was using Vincent as a pillow.

"How does anyone manage to get anything done in this god accursed atrocity of a kitchen!" He heard a female voice shout, which sounded worryingly like Yuffie. "How am I supposed to cook this, huh? It's all _runny_!"

This distressed Vincent to no end, as some fundamental law inside him said 'food is not to be wasted', as you could never be to sure when or where your next meal was going to come from. The food you wasted today may be the food you needed tomorrow, as it were. Starvation was never to be sneezed at, lest it decided to rear its ugly head.

He sauntered into the kitchen with his silent, practiced movements, and stared with equally silent horror at what he saw.

Yuffie was attempting to cook. 'Attempting' being the keyword here, as not a whole lot other than smoke and cursing was being accomplished. And while Vincent was indeed receiving a small education in cursing, he wasn't entirely interested in the versatile use of the word 'Fuck'. Cid had long since mastered this, and flaunted his mastery at every possible moment.

"What are you doing?" He asked, as if he didn't know. He vaguely hoped that what Yuffie was trying to do was choke everyone in the apartment with smoke, instead of cooking something.

The shinobi squeaked slightly in shock, and craned her neck around to stare at the gunsman.

"Vinnie!" She gasped, still surprised. "What the hell are you doing awake!"

"Wondering what you're doing." He answered, repeating his previous question. He walked further into Sephiroth's kitchen, prepared to be amazed and horrified at whatever Yuffie had concocted.

Sure enough, in the pan that Yuffie was using there lay a charred, immovable _thing_. Vincent He gave it a poke with his claw, and was amazed when something yellow oozed out. Hesitating slightly, he tasted it.

His eyes went wide.

"You managed to burn an _egg_ this badly?" He said incredulously, flabbergasted that anyone could burn anything that badly with conventional being.

"It's not like its very easy!" Yuffie retorted indignantly.

Vincent didn't bother answering. He merely pried the pan away from Yuffie, and began washing it with iron wool.

"H, hey!" The shinobi complain loudly. "That's my breakfast!"

"Yuffie, that would have made you sick. Even animals would turn away from that." Vincent informed. He scraped the offending thing off the pan, and set it back on the burner. "Just sit down and... Drink some juice or something. Don't try to cook anything." He said this softly, rummaging through Sephiroth's fridge for various things. He pulled forth eggs, a few vegetables, and what he hoped was a very... _foreign_ cheese (of which he took one sniff before throwing out a window, where it subsequently killed a rat silly enough to eat it).

He laid them out before him, and began cutting and mixing the ingredients together, obviously some sort of recipe formulating itself inside his mind.

Several minutes later, he was coughing in the midst of a black smoke.

"How in the name of the nine hells did I manage _that_!" He cursed loudly, letting just a little of his anger loose.

Like Yuffie, he had managed to burn whatever it was he had originally attempted to cook through some sort of fluke. Things had gone from runny to charcoal in what seemed like a heartbeat.

Never one to miss an opportunity, Yuffie sidled up behind Vincent, and had to jump up and clamour above Vincent's shoulder to witness the scale of Vincent's failure.

"Wow Vincent," She began, her eyes full of mocking innocence. "How in the _world_ did that happen? No matter, how about you just put that away and have some juice with me, hmm?" From seemingly out of nowhere, she produced a carton of orange juice and pressed it at Vincent's trembling hand.

They both sat down by the table, Vincent glaring hatefully at the pan. His began to tap his claws against the table in succession, creating a steady 'ticktick' sound. Eventually, he spoke again.

"Do you think he remembers?" Vincent asked, not specifying who 'he' was. Yuffie hardly needed him to specify, though.

"No. I don't think he would be able to be so happy, or sane, if did. Maybe killing Jenova did something to him."

Vincent shook his head slowly.

"The Jenova cells inside both Cloud, myself and others exposed to them haven't deteriorated. I looked into the matter shortly after escaping the crater, thinking to find out something about my... Modifications. All I found out, though, was that the cells of Jenova were still alive and kicking inside of me, as well as everyone else. I'm just wondering how Sephiroth managed to come back."

"Well, he did manage to survive being killed once, when he got mangled by Cloud the first time. Or maybe he's a clone. Who knows?" The shinobi answered, taking a sip of juice.

"We should." Vincent said with sudden firmness. "There has to be a reason why he's back, Yuffie. Dead people just don't rise from the grave like that. If they did, then where's Aeris? I'd think she'd be the first on the list of reincarnation, yes?"

Yuffie considered this, still somewhat shaken by the fact that this was, indeed, Sephiroth. Or a clone. Or a horrible, horrible coincidence. But an idea had formed in her mind as Vincent spoke, and it was an altogether unpleasant one

"Maybe... Maybe it wasn't the planet who remade him? Maybe it was something, someone else?"

Vincent's eye narrowed, the implications of this notion catching his full attention.

"Someone _else_? Who'd do that? How would they get their hands on the ShinRa research anyway? Reeve has a hold on those and he isn't about to let them go for anything. He knows what they could lead to." Vincent said, tapping his chin thoughtfully. "Maybe... Maybe some sort of terrorist group – one that isn't us – uncovered something in the ruins of Midgar?"

"Naw, they wouldn't remake him just to let 'im loose."

"Then... Maybe Hojo had a bigger following than we thought?" Even as he said this, Vincent was struck by a horrible thought.

_Lucrecia_.

The two were so engrossed in their conversation that neither had heard Sephiroth walk into the room.

"Ah, perhaps I could provide some assistance in this matter?" He said shyly, as if he was disturbing something important.

Both Vincent and Yuffie looked at him with shocked horror.

* * *

The dagger was a work of art in its own right, the handle forged with such detail and skill that whoever had made it had managed to make it look like a pair of intertwining serpents formed the handle, while the blade emerged from between them. The heads of the snakes twisted outwards, forming a hilt of sorts. The blade was almost translucent, shimmering oddly in the light with a series of strange runes being revealed inside the blade when just exposed to light in a certain way. It was a beautiful thing to behold, if you took care not to think of its purpose.

The Singer did no such thing.

When the dagger was plunged the back of a person cloaked in a raggedy grey thing, the Singer grinned smugly.

"Gotcha, ya bastard! That's for sneaking up on me!" He muttered, laughing softly.

The cloaked person whirled around as he let go of the handle, fixing him with a pair of piercing green eyes. The stranger looked like the complete opposite of the Singer. His cloak was little more something that may once have been an impressive looking, but was now so worn and ragged that it barely managed to perform its most basic functions of keeping the wearer warm and keeping him clothed. Combined with the dishevelled appearance and the snowy, unkempt hair the wearer seemed to be little more than a common beggar, but the mud stains and tall boots hinted that this person travelled. A lot.

But what really caught attention was a pair of strange tattoos on the Vagrant's cheeks. One was a pair of teardrops, the other a six-pointed starburst.

"For the love of... Was that _really_ necessary!" The Vagrant demanded, reaching behind him and extracting the dagger from their back. He threw the thing on street, mysteriously free of blood. "_Normal_ people just say 'Hi'!" He shouted.

The Singer grinned.

"That wouldn't be as much fun, now would it? 'Sides, I've gotta start training my sneaking skills more. People are starting to notice me."

"They wouldn't if you stopped singing those god-awful songs. Seriously, where do you _get_ them all?"

"They come to me in my sleep." The Singer boasted, with a huge grin. "Anyway, what're you doing here? I thought Scion wasn't interested in this place."

The stranger, who wore a wide brimmed hat, pushed it upwards slightly to shoot the Singer a withering glare with his glowing embers of eyes.

"He isn't. Syrion and I are merely here to monitor whatshisname. Silly name, starts with an 'S'."

"Oh, _him_." The Singer said with a snarl. "I thought we were done with him."

"Yeah, him." The Vagrant answered. "And we are. There are simply some... Other things we failed to take into consideration. AVALANCHE's reaction to him, for one. Scion was adamant that if things looked as if they would start prying into the matter, we were to stop them."

"Huh, dunno what he wanted with that freak of nature anyway."

"It seemed like a good idea at the time." The Vagrant said reproachfully.

"Yeah, I get ideas like that too. Usually after drowning myself in booze, though."

"Oh, shut it. Scion knows what he's doing."

"Bah. If there was a scale for measuring sanity Scion so would only pop up 'sane' because he fell through the other side." The Singer snarled. "I mean, _really_! This place gives me the creeps, even without that freak running around."

"You just hate him because he has a better outlook on life than you do."

"I'm not sure I like what you're insinuating. I happen to be an optimist."

"Yeah, optimistic about everyone being such huge bastards that they can easily be manipulated."

"Is there anything else to be optimistic about?"

* * *

"Er, ah," Yuffie hemmed, unused to being caught in the act. (It didn't matter what the act was. In the far reaches of her mind, she recalled an incident in which Aeris had remarked on how funny her doodle of Cid was, and how she had been unable to say anything other than "Ah, erm, eh, t, thanks.")

Vincent was used to being caught in the act, or at he least had been trained to think quickly. And as ever, he showed the tact and subtlety of a large hammer.

"Yes, yes you could."

Yuffie stared at the two.

"V, _Vinnie_!" She hissed. "We can't ask _him_! He's not supposed to know what we're spying on him!"

Now both swordsman and assassin stared at the young shinobi, who had just realized what she had said. A moment of silence, and then...

"Crap."

Vincent sighed. Sephiroth smiled nervously.

"Er, yeah." Sephiroth said hesitantly. "So, what exactly would you like to know? I don't know all the details myself, but you'll have excuse me for that. And would you mind feeding my cat? He's hungry. There's some tuna in the fridge."

Vincent stood up and made his way to the fridge. While he rummaged through the fridge, Sephiroth tried to explain to Yuffie.

"Alright." He sighed deeply. "First of all; I remember. Everything."

Yuffie took note of the pained look on his face.

"Even...?" She made a slight stabbing motion.

Sephiroth blanched instantly, and covered his face with his hands.

"Yes." He moaned out, starting to sob.

Behind them, Vincent had found a can of tuna, and found himself unable to open it and hold it at the same time, owing to his claw. It kept slipping out of his grasp. Finally, in exasperation, he jammed a digit into the top and cut a hole in. The fishy smell wafted across the room, and instantly the cat was circling Vincent like a vulture over a soon-to-be-corpse.

"So you also remember dieing? Twice?" Vincent said while putting the can of tuna down, where it was promptly devoured by the feline.

"I didn't really die the first time, y'know." Sephiroth said reproachfully. "I was crystallized in material, which kept me in stasis and healed me. Somehow. I remember Cloud killing me though."

Yuffie and Vincent exchanged looks.

"So you remember us...?"

Sephiroth nodded.

"Everything."

Tense silence reigned for a moment, broken only by the sound of Mr Snuggles feasting on his fishy meal, the bell tinkling softly.

"But, how is it that you're still alive?" Vincent question.

Sephiroth seemed to think long and hard about this for a moment, before sighing.

"That's just the thing. I don't know. All I know is that one moment I was dieing, the next..." He gestured around himself. "I was here, like I had never been anywhere else. I can't remember anything in-between."

"Nothing? You have no idea how it happened?"

The swordsman fidgeted in his chair uncomfortably.

"Not really, no. But... Sometimes, when I sleep..." It was clear that dragging up these memories profoundly disturbed Sephiroth. "I can see someone watching me, someone I've never seen before. I can barely see his face. He's blindfolded, and grey. Like he had smeared his face with clay or something. And behind him, there is nothing but darkness."

Vincent and Yuffie were listening intently, and looked at him expectantly when he stopped talking.

"And then?" Vincent asked, demanding an answer.

Sephiroth shrugged.

"And then I wake up. He isn't a pleasant person, I can tell. He doesn't like me, I think."

Vincent settled back into his chair, thoughtful. Yuffie continued to look at Sephiroth expectantly, as if staring at him long enough would somehow make him recall something else.

With so much happening, not even Vincent noticed that the cat had silently vanished. The bell never made a sound.

But this was a minor detail.


End file.
